Its unbearable and verging obsessive now . It's something new everyday . Some stupid , little , petty , senseless fight . I've been dealing with it for 3 years now . I ask myself why ? Why do I settle , done with it ? Why make myself unhappy , so he can be happy ? The only thing that I can come with is . Idk because I just do . Well thats not enough . There should be atleast one point that sticks out  in your head to love someone . 

It is because he's my real love ? The boy that I actually cared about . And keep saying those 3 words to ? It is because I am more comfortable to be myself around him ?

Thats what I think it is . Being in my comfort zone . But why ? Im a strong girl shouldnt be afraid to step out to be free once again . That's when I go back . No ! I love him . I swear upon my grave I wont repeat the same mistakes . But WHY ?! He belittle you beyond belief sometimes . Pick fights everyday . Throwing foul language at you everyday like it's his job . That's not what love is . Love should make you happy and blessed that you found someone like your partner .

Ive been on this road too many times . I should have more pride and self respect to not to be treated this way. I know I can do better I can get better I know I deserve better after all the shit Ive been through my entire life . But all I tried , I failed . I failed without him . Maybe somehow and someway my brain is trying to convince me that I love him and that Im happy with him . But the thing is , in some twisted way I am happy with him . Cause when Im not with him , Im miserable . 

I dont know why . I can see all the problems wrong in this relationship . I see what needs to be fixed . But Im still confused . I just have to be wise and tell myself that , this is a lesson to be learned for what I dont want in my life . I need to be thick solid  on the decision . But Im still learning how to do that . And yeah maybe thats why Im still in this relationship . 

Cause Im young , and Im still learning . Learning for the best for my entire life . 
Te amo babe apex 


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